Is It Just The Age?
Dateline: 7/28/99
By Ann Zeise
Cynthia sent the following:
Is it just the age ? Becoming a teenager thing ?
It's the age. Eleven is a "disintegrating personality"
stage, somewhat like being 2 1/2 again. It is a necessary transition
to make, though, from childhood to being a teenager.
May I suggest reading Erik H. Erikson on "Identity and
the Life Cycle." I got to meet this Harvard professor once
after reading and studying his works. His was the theory of life
cycles that many emulated later on. Hang on... I still have his
book here somewhere. Never throw a good book away! My motto.
I've managed to hang on to this one since 1966 or so.
Erikson's premise is that each stage of life has its psychological
"chore" to either master and grow on, or fail and somehow
get "stuck" in some stage, sometimes for life.
The first stage of life, self identity is formed around "I
am what I am given." An infant defines himself by those
things around him. Deprived of essential "things" he
will fail to thrive. I'm talking about "things" like
touches and smiles and milk and warmth. Those that learn to trust
can have faith.
Then 2 hits, and identity is formed around "I am what
I will." Now there's an element of choice. How terrible
it would be to be left in the infant stage, thinking one had
no choice to "will" something to happen! Those that
demand and get autonomy at 2 become independent adults.
The third is characterized by "I am what I can imagine
I will be." This is the dress-up stage around 4-5, and the
bragging stage. Some suppress this age, calling the imaginations
"lying." Too much suppression and you're left with
a personality that can't imagine themselves into a better person.
School age, about 6-10 is the "I am what I learn"
stage. Children (who now have trust, autonomy, and imagination
integrated into their personality) are incredibly willing to
watch and try new things. You can't stop them! I think Erikson
would approve of homeschooling. He says of this age: "In
all cultures at this stage, children receive some systematic
instruction, although it is by no means always in the kind of
school which literate people must organize around teachers who
have learned how to teach literacy. In preliterate people much
is learned from adults who become teachers by acclamation rather
than by appointment." This is the age of "Industriousness."
It is the age in which things are done along side or with others.
What is created from this industry is seen as part of oneself.
The Fifth stage, Identity (vs Identity diffusion), hits about
11-12. This is the end of childhood and the beginning of "youth."
the chore of this age is to define one's social role. This is
why youth are suddenly so concerned about how they look. All
the previous identities are questioned, and aligned with the
individual's basic drives, what they are endowed with, and what
opportunities come their way. They are not fooled by empty praise,
but must feel treasured by their own uniqueness. Opportunities
are needed for real accomplishments and recognition in society.
The drive is to take hold of some kind of life. They identify,
and sometimes over identify with "heroes" or rock stars,
anyone who seems to "have a life." The intolerance
at this age stems from a genuine concern that life as an adult
may be approaching too fast: that they are not feeling ready
to define who they will be. The "Identity Crisis" stage
is one of the most critical, and many don't make it. These are
the people we know who follow leaders sheepishly, as they allow
some stronger personality to become their own rather than establishing
one for themselves. Teens have a lot of choices to make and a
lot to worry about: If I'd rather be with same-sex friends am
I gay? Will these pimples ever go away and will I be attractive?
I'm so compulsive! Will I ever be able to master my drives? Who
the heck is in control of my body today? Why did I do such a
stupid thing! What if I commit to someone as a friend, and they
dump me? I don't want to be hurt! What if I don't master algebra,
will I be on welfare my whole life? Whole aristocracies are formed
by majorities that fail this stage and believe the best should
rule; nations are ruled by men who were elected on the basis
of the amount of sound bytes they could purchase.
Only when one's identity as a trusting, autonomous, imaginative,
industrious person with a unique way of approaching life is at
least partially established can one move on to the adult stages:
6. Intimacy and Distantiation (or failing that, self-absorption)
- the work of young adulthood. This means the ability to form
intimate relationships, and also the ability to break off unproductive
relationships. (Moving out, but not entirely emotionally away,
from home.)
7. Generativity (or stagnation) - this is the stage of parenting:
ensuring the establishment of the next generation. If one has
no children, then creating something for future generations.
People who are failing at this stage are noticeably behaving
like their own child, indulging themselves to the detriment of
the next generation.
8. Integrity (or despair and disgust) - reached in seniority
if the other stages of identity have been established. Reached
by those who have taken care of things and people, adapting to
the triumphs and disappointment of being, by necessity, the originator
of others and the generator of things and ideas. Integrity is
reached with the acceptance for the responsibility of one's whole
life.
Erikson sums up by saying, "But if we want to make the
world safe for democracy, we must first make democracy safe for
the healthy child."
This synopsis is lifted from parts of Erikson's writing, some
parts are my own summations, mostly from my memories of meeting
Erikson through Paul Lee, my philosophy mentor at the University
of California, Santa Cruz. As a reference, I used:
  "Psychological
Issues", Vol. 1, No. 1, 1959, Monograph 1
Identity and the Life Cycle, Selected papers by Erik H. Erikson
International Universities Press, Inc.
227 West 13 Street
New York, NY 10011
This version is out of print, but you may order the new version
through Amazon.
Identity
and the Life Cycle
by Erik Homburger Erikson
The homeschool support organization, Synergia Learning Ventures (formerly EnCompass,) seems to have
evolved a philosophy of child raising based on Erikson. You might
enjoy their website, which has loads of files on the stages of
childhood, so you can be prepared to welcome your children into
progressive stages rather than wish they'd stay how they were,
but stuck, in easier, earlier stages.
Synergia Learning Ventures
Through projects, programs and insightful mentorship, students at Synergia Learning Ventures discover rightful relationship to what is most profound in their lives, and in the world. Formerly Encompass Learning. Still run by the Weistars in Nevada City, CA.
Erik
Erikson's 8 Stages of Psychosocial Development
Erikson is best known for his concept of the identity crisis.
This idea may have stemmed from a personal identity crisis he
experienced at a young age. A tutorial about Eric Ericson and
his work.
Erik
Erikson - Biography
How he came to his theories of human development over stages
of life.
Among
the Oglala Dakota (or Sioux)
Erikson was moved by the difficulties faced by the Dakota childen
and adolescents he talked to and observed. By Dr. C. George Boeree.
Erik
Erikson: A Life's Work
A vitae of his life and work. Did not do well in school and did
not continue on to university. Had eight years of traveling Europe
as a wandering artist. Had cross-cultural experiences throughout
his life.
Overview
of Development, Temperament, and Risk Factors
How we come to be the way we are is through the process of development.
This section elaborates and extends concepts introduced above
regarding the fundamental workings of the brain at different
developmental stages. A report of the Surgeon General.
Ages
in Stages
An Exploration of the Life Cycle based on Erik Erikson's Eight
Stages of Human Development by Margaret Krebs-Carter. Essentially
a class outline.
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